Holes

In my eyes,
in my heart.

In my soul,
in my brain.

Empty? Lack thereof?
I shall not probe
Questions I seek no answer of
I cannot see how it is

Holes in me
I am afraid
Weariness deepens
Tolerance withers
Holes everywhere.

Senior's camp

Had a bit of mixed feelings over this after it ended. It initially started out alright, just that the spirit and atmosphere wasn't too much there. Could it be us? Could it be me? I occasionally wonder. What have I said during my interview and did it all match up? Am I worthy to be there I wonder too. So much effort by so many people. But there is only so much we can control to make it work. The rest depends on luck, hope and trust. No doubt I had fun during this camp. But it didn't end on a high note for me. I really hope that everything will run smoothly during the actual camp and  end off with a bang!

Pasir Ris Park

Had quite an enjoyable day today and ate ALOT too. We went to Pasir Ris Park to snap some pictures of my parents and grandparents and to take them out to walk walk and breathe in some fresh air! Hehe I'm still quite a noob at using a DSLR but I'm learning, slowly. Without further ado, here are the visuals:

momma & popa

Happy grandparents :D

Doing Titanic pose with my grandma hahahaha

With my boyboy

Love this candid shot! 

BeBe was not featured cos he didn't come with us cos we went for dinner after going to the park. Don't think the makan place would allow animals. But we went back and took him out for a walk! Walked from my home to downtowneast and back! Bought Yoguru nom nom (but still doesn't satisfy my llao llao cravings) My dad was kinda funny today, he's like blur blur. Wanted to say Starbucks but said Starhub, wanted to say polytechnic but said polyclinic. Made momma, Victor & I laugh like mad hahahhaha

Stoning

Stoning. Mind blanked out for awhile. This period is stressful for me, no doubt. With the semester coming to an end and project submissions due. It is not easy to have a clear state of mind or be positive about it when you are questioning yourself. Questioning your own abilities, questioning yourself.. Why are you still doing this when you have so little time left? "You are your own worst enemy" I couldn't agree more to that. I know we all only have 24 hours a day and there actually is no "too little time", it's just a matter of how you prioritise your time. I'm ashamed to say that I've always been a loser in this. I can't prioritise for nuts. Maybe it's high time I really really start giving this a serious thought. I need to have the will, the strong will to want to do my best. Since semester 1, I've been having this inferior complex about my artworks and it isn't getting better this semester. Despite encouragements, (it only lasts for a few secs/mins) I will still go back to that inferior mode. I don't know why, but I think I really need to stop doing this. It's making me feel suffocated and sad, like I can't do anything good. And also, it isn't good that I'm always in hall alone (cos my roomie always go home). I tend to sink further and further down into the already deep hole I am in. My thoughts run wild and I just keep thinking negatively. Once you start this negative thinking, it isn't as easy to stop thinking about it suddenly. I know my circumstances are much much better compared to others and to solve what I am facing would be to think positively and try harder. But... it's just me. I feel so hopeless at times and so hopeful in another moment. I don't know why am I so up & down. Maybe I have issues. Haiz. Tough week.